Wednesday, May 23, 2007


Dear Peter, Mike, Annie,

I loved Mike's post about reminded me of a thought I once had when I read a book about a woman who was hallucinating due to her bi-polar condition. She wrote about how all the ghosts that she saw disappeared after she took her meds. She medicated the ghosts away. Some of us have internalized these ghosts so deeply that they are embedded in the fabric of our skins--no, they may BE our skins. We are rebelling spiritually and intellectually against something. I've been accused recently of being an incorrigible Marxist, and its true that I believe that part of what we're rebelling against by denying life (by saying "No" instead of "Yes") is capitalism. But it's not that simple, I hope. I think many of us, particularly those of us whose parents told us over and over again that we "think too much" have a problem with the way power is utilized and projected, the way good and bad have been appropriated by the bad guys, the way that justice has no real core. I've only actually "seen" a few ghosts in my life. But I think these ghosts are valuable, and we shouldn't just medicate them away. I think it's telling that there is a broad dissatisfaction with the way lives are conducted by those with power and it just doesn't sit well with a lot of us. As Annie pointed out, the American gluttony affects us. It hurts, and I often don't know what to do with the pain except to deny myself life. I am trying to stop that bad habit (is depression the drug of the idealist?) and find other ways to channel my denials, but aside from talking to ghosts and you and writing generally, I haven't found a way to live with "reality." Any ideas?


Blogger Knife-Party said...

I think I finally found an answer to your question. One of my issues is that I often find myself very much on the outside of the "norm" so to speak. I can't jibe with going to normal social places like bars or clubs and making pointless small talk about TV or my bank account, and I need a different degree of social stimulation. So I've gone hunting; for the things that fill me with appreciation for life and beauty, as well as with the people that I want to pursue. Depression is a strange beast. It cripples us and leaves us not wondering about anything except why we are so depressed and why everything seems to working against us. Admittingly, I do take a minor minor dose of medication, which doesn't do anything except curb the anxiety so Peter can step up and embrace all those things he likes. Especially about himself. I too have been told I think way too much, or that I am too complicated. But so what, that's only bad if it leaves you incapable of doing thinsg for yourself. So my answer to your question is one word: embrace. Embrace Sonal, embrace what intrigues and stimulates you, and chase it down like elmer fudd after bugs bunny.

7:31 AM  

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