Friday, June 22, 2007

The Teacher and the Student

Hi Anne,
Let me first say, no, I am not offended by your commentary. I prefer discourse that stirs the passions and challenges what I say, over simple agreement or disagreement. In addition, I recognize more as I hear from each of you that I have a good deal to learn about the intensity that is my emotional persona, as well as the many and varied travails of depression. I myself have just begun the process of dealing with it and how it affects me. I'm no stranger to it, as now that I know it well enough and know most of its ins and outs for me, I recognize it's been with me farther back than I can remember. Not the least of which is the lesson that it IS an everyday occurrence and something that has no simple solution. And in many respects, a "solution" is not what is needed. More a mastery of ourselves and an acceptance of its involvement in our lives (which you seem to have).

I have felt what you refer to as the boredom of happiness. Although I'd put a different label on it for myself. I'd say it's less a boredom with joy than it is a love affair with the height of joy and the depth of sorrow. In some odd way, I seem to derive more feeling from a deep pain than I do from a mild contentedness. Being mildly content is not enough. Joy would be great, but since joy and happiness is so hard to attain, and pain and sorrow seems to come easy for people of our ilk, I gravitate towards the latter. Simply because, as you say, we are poets and we Feel very, very deeply. Our souls are junkies that need to feel intense experience I guess. And we must, in our heads, investigate and think about it quite a lot.

You're far more eloquent in your prose and language than I am. I'm a bit more of a layman's poet in that respect I guess. But we agree on many things.

Where you and I differ I think is that I'm still learning how to understand my depression, and how to avoid dangerous scenarios with it (such as drinking a day away, simply to escape for a bit). So Sonal my friend, I apologize for my naivete if I seemed a little cliche in my advice. But I do stand by some of it. Rather than just accept happy and sad as my options, I'm embracing all the less extreme options as well. I'd rather have the box of 64 crayons than the standard 7 I guess. Because let's face it ROYGBIV is simply not enough choices for us, and aquamarine is a nice hue :)

And just because it's a friday, and I'm in a good mood, and he's a sex machine, here's a little Neil Diamond action:

Later folks,


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